Thicker Than Water (1993)
Theresa Russell stars as identical twins in this BBC drama. Based on a book and is forgettable.
Mary whines and Francis is unkempt. Francis has claimed Lola’s bastard and made it a Baron. Bash and Kenna sulk. Why does nobody curtsey to royalty? Francis is an arse. Lord Narcisse oils his way around. France needs grain. Mary tries to make a deal with Protestant Germany. An annoying woman makes accusations. Dowager Queen Catherine lurks. Amid all the plague, war debts and unrest - one wonders where Mary’s Guise relatives are. Nobody has sleeves.
People wander corridors. Were there corridors then? Where is Mary’s dog? Francis is an ungrateful moron. WTF is that on Mary’s head? Kenna is thick. Francis’ longstanding unlawful behaviour won’t let him reconcile his aspirations. There is illegality. Will Francis die already? Mary has no wit and never cared about her people or country. All the male guest starts look alike.
This was okay. The music seems rejigged from ‘Earth: Final Conflict’. Francis is crowned King in his throne room and not in a cathedral. Mary is crowned with him despite the fact she wasn’t. The imagery is borrowed from ‘Marie Antoinette’. The crown of France looks gimcrack.
“The dead do not shout.”
“Horrid plague fires.”
“Is that judgement in your tone?”
“A new relationship with God.”
“Preening pea-hens with empty heads.”
“Watch Rome prop up a new puppet king.”
“Fighting over a rancid potato.”
“Tell them a different story.”
“No more help from you.”
“Do you accuse me of something?”
The Lamb And The Slaughter
There is rain. Where did all the pagans go? Where are Francis’ siblings? His sister Elisabeth is mentioned for the first time since 1x01. Lola’s bastard is to be christened. Mary is blank faced. Leith lurks. Lord Narcisse has married the peasant girl he carted off in a cage in 2x01. WTF is on Mary’s head? Why is there a sea wall near the castle? Mary is pregnant. Catherine has developed a pregnancy test. Elizabeth I is mentioned. Mary drinks whilst pregnant and then miscarries over her pink shoes. Lola (it’s Susan from the ’Narnia’ movies) accuses Lord Narcisse of being abusive to his many dead wives. There are exposition dumps. Greer bores. Lola has no regrets. There is a baby carved of butter at the christening feast. There is dancing and this was okay.
“This is how it’s done.”
“He’s poisonous and cruel.”
“I had your chamber pot tested.”
“An heir-producing Catholic.”
“Barren and unmarried.”
“The wives before me.”
“Knocking your bed through the floor.”
“What were you?”
“Conde smells fraud.”
“The dullest cows in France.”
“You are no innocent.”
“I rode here all night.”
“An excess of tenderness.”
“Dark times are upon us.”