epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Reviews: The Falling + Dead Man's Curve + The Runaways + 4 Others

The Falling (2014)
This was advertised as a very dramatic horror which leaves viewers in complete ignorance of many relevant facts. Like the fact this is not a fantastical classic horror just a crap kitchen sink drama. Lydia (Maisie Williams of ‘Game Of Thrones’) dislikes her mad mother (Maxine Peake) and adores her BFF Abigail. They have a mean teacher (Greta Sacchi - who still acts in-between moaning about naked pictures of herself on the internet).

The precocious Abigail dies of never explained causes and no one reacts. It is the 60s so maybe that explains it. The unequivocal view is that this is poo. There is babbling about leylines and no slow burn horror. Lydia is shunned. This is audience alienating swoon with a view. There are secrets, polemics, faux-indignation and consequently you don’t care. People are locked up and this gets ever more dire and ineffective. Lydia rips up a wall quite easily, there is a reveal, a nervous breakdown and it finally ends.

Best Lines:
“Puking up on her is probably the most attention she’s ever had.”

“I know she’s awful.”

“Non-denominational prayer.”

“Making a display of themselves.”

“The result of not being educated.”

“Some concern expressed.”

“Beehives are completely outmoded mother.”

“Crazy witches!”

“Don’t look at me.”

“It’s them and us.”

“She thought she knew it all. Naïve little thing.”

“She wouldn’t care if we were all dead.”

“A malicious prude.”

“I don’t do things like that.”

“Write that down.”

“I resent this idea.”

“I’m glad you’re ill.”

“Hysterical contagion?”

“The disordered womb.”

“Crazy face.”

“Kill the system! It’s killing you!”

“Something so poisoned.”

“I’m not a faker.”

“I’m expelled.”
“Good for you.”

Dead Man’s Curve (1998)
There is an urban legend that if your college roommate kills themselves you get straight A’s. So Tim (Matthew Lillard) and Chris (Michael Vartan) decide to take advantage of this and murder their disgusting jerkass roommate Rand (Randall Batinoff) so they can go to Harvard. Chris’ galpal Emma (Keri Russell of ‘The Americans’) and Rand’s abused galpal Nat (Tamara Craig Thomas of ‘Odyssey 5’) are drawn into the messy plot as is the college counsellor (Dana Delany).

The mood is set by a poster that proclaims: you don’t win silver, you lose gold. This was full of plotholes. There is a lighthouse and a moronic security guard. This is not as funny as it thinks it is. People die and the corrupt unscrupulous young exploit their elders. This was not fiendishly ingeniously plotted despite what the big twist thinks. The young are ambitious and willing to set aside moral considerations. It helps that nobody has any intelligence and that the cops are dumb. The acting is bad and Matthew Lillard annoys. This film makes no logical sense, the acting is wooden, women are without agency, selfish behaviour is rewarded and instead of plotting murder - studying would be realistically more attainable.

Best Lines:
“I’d always be concerned about anyone who underlines passages in ‘The Bell Jar’.”

“Suzanne Vega, The Smiths, The Cure, anything from the 80s.”

“We have a sale on Joy Division.”

“Go pay for that would you?”

“I can’t pee anymore.”

“Chick from ‘Species’?”

“That was unexpected.”

“I hear you get amoebic dysentery if you swim in it.”

“Feelings of despair.”

“That’s clearly unfortunate.”

“All your friends seem like they’re committing suicide.”

“We’ll dedicate a wing to you in the psych department.”

“What are you going to get your Masters in?”
“I’m thinking about; drama.”

The Runaways (2010)
A biopic that lacks something. This tale of Joan Jett and co is criminally appalling. I don’t care about this leaden take on the rough-hewn band because it is flat, uninteresting and full of degrado.

Dream Demon (1988)

Avalanche (1978)
Huge, horrible, natural and crap.

The Hindenburg (1975)

Man On The Moon (1999)
Okay Andy Kaufman biopic. He appears on ‘Taxi’, wrestles and dies.

Best Lines:
“There isn’t a real you.”

“This is a bar of soap. Say it with me. Soap.”

“This is toilet paper. Good grief. Use it.”
Tags: game of thrones, movie review, the americans

Comments for this post were disabled by the author