epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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7 TV Reviews

The Bionic Woman (1976 - 1979) 2x15&2x16&1x07

Deadly Ringers 1&2
Jamie’s evil look-alike Lisa takes her place (again) leaving Jamie trapped in prison. Lisa gets addicted to drugs and Jamie nearly gets shot. But the day is saved. This was good.

Bionic Beauty
Jamie goes undercover in a beauty contest which she wins so she can be killed. Okay.

The Scandalous Lady W (2015)
This BBC2 drama is a true story about how in 1782 a man’s wife, home, cattle and land are all his property. Lady Seymour Worsely (Natalie Dormer of ‘The Tudors’ and ‘Elementary’) wears some fabulous hats and runs off with her lover George (Aneurin Barnard of ‘The White Queen’). She left behind her daughter and her angry husband Richard.

Seymour was a wealthy heiress who wanted to marry for love but found himself married to a scornful man with a voyeurism fetish. Richard pimped Seymour out so he could watch. Finally she tired of the languid and poisonous Richard and ran off with her lover. Richard has George put on trial for stealing his property. George is disconcerted. Saucy maids testify, George fears debtors prison and Seymour wants her fortune back but loses it, her good name, her child, her place in society and George. There is endless cello music and Richard is shown up. Poetry is spewed, George doesn’t seem to care that Richard is raising his child and people are steadfast in their beliefs and have ad homien arguments. This was mediocre and not compelling. There is no sketching out of the political and social climate of the time.

Best Lines:
“Why do you complain so?”

“You are kind sir.”

“Where is that scoundrel’s lodgings?”

“Strange but not unpleasant.”

“Don’t call her the child.”

“Sour faced prig.”

“I am happy now.”

“We undertake to forgive her.”

“She is mine and mine alone!”

“The desertion of your master.”

“He may suggest a duel.”

“Accept it in its bitter entirety.”

“A whore for a wife.”

“The unhappy event took place.”

“A mutton monger.”

“Speak in respectful English.”

“Entirely deficient of all morality.”

“As moderns.”

“Joined in it.”

“You will always belong to me.”

“As moderns?”

“There! Have it!”

The Walking Dead 5x13

Rick’s gang shoot at family portraits and plot against their hosts. WTF is wrong with these people? Rick and co reignite and churn out paranoia, reaction, commentary and opinion. They have no appreciation. Daryl goes around with narrowed eyes snarling disingenuously. WTF is wrong with them and their dodgy opinions. A horse wanders around. Rick’s gang are passionately awful. This was fervently awful as Rick and his gang misinterpret everything. Where is Eugene? The poor horse gets eaten. Daryl makes a friend. Carol persists in unfairly judging people. Is Daryl getting hit on? Carol steals and menaces a child and has an innate capacity for being awful. This was clunky not harrowing.

Best Lines:
“Come and get me.”

“Because we’re wearing windbreakers?”

“People are the real threat now.”

“Hilariously offensive.”

“He always ran.”

“I am a large man.”

“Lots of cookies.”

Frankenstein: The True Story (1973)
This miniseries starts with a bizarre modern day prologue and stars James Mason, Jane Seymour, Agnes Moorehead and David McCallum. Christopher Isherwood co-wrote this adaptation of the classic novel. There is an intermittent voiceover by Victor Frankenstein who moons over his insipid galpal Elizabeth as his brother drowns in ridiculous fashion. This distaff tale about corruptible flesh is inept. Victor meets Dr Henri Clerval (David McCallum sporting a horrible porntash) who mutters like a loon and has a bad heart.

Victor and Henri become close and bond over bringing life to the lifeless. They have no inhibitions. Victor is the bro-iest bro beyond moral understanding. Of all the cast only David McCallum bothers to act with his personal and professional interest in Victor. Elizabeth shows up to be a prude and do lip pursing and hand wringing. A creature is built. The menacing Henri finds out something bad and then keels over dead. So Victor puts his friend’s brain into the creature making the creature sound like McCallum.

The creature is pretty and then rots. Victor builds Prima (Seymour). Dr Polidori (Mason) shows up to annoy and loom. The creature gets violent and murdery. It all ends amongst fake ice. This was highly camp and only the scenes with David McCallum are any good.

Best Lines:
“Burn the misshapen creature!”

“You look extremely depressed.”

“He’s a strange one.”

“I’m distinctly unpopular.”

“How much do we owe you doctor?”
“What’s left in the bottle.”

“Hacking the limbs off ploughboys.”

“Their obsolete books.”

“Victor made me.”
“God has forgiven him for that sin.”

“Go on, touch it.”

“Get it off!”

“Deadly evil.”

“I feel like the lowest hypocrite.”

“Brain of an ignorant peasant.”

“The second Adam.”

“Please forgive me. Forgive me!”

Hannibal 3x11

And The Beast From The Sea
Hannibal and Will stare intently at each other in lieu of actually addressing plot elements. Hannibal tells Francis to kill Will. Francis takes his shirt off but this was a stunted unformed ep. Nothing is evoked or examined. This was not very significant or powerfully emotional. Francis is a steadfast loony and loses his gal pal. Will’s dogs are poisoned. Hannibal spews the language of the oppressor. Nobody is vigilant. Hannibal has a refusal to care. Francis wears a weird mask and attacks Will’s family. Will and his stepson have a chat about Will’s sojourn in the nuthouse. Everything is impermanent, flammable and frail. Alana and Jack are onto Hannibal. Tan in can Francis hits himself and nobody cares.

Best Lines:
“He ate it?”
“He ate it up. The art squad in New York snapped to it when they found out what he ate.”

“What did you say to him?”

“You got me. Again.”

“Save yourself. Kill them all.”

“Notes of admiration.”

“Don’t know he’s coming.”

“He read about me.”

“I had to justify myself to an 11 year old.”

“In my own way, I always have.”

“I do blame Jack Crawford.”

“The toilet too.”
Tags: hannibal, review, scary 1970s tv, the walking dead
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