epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,
epiphany_maria
epiphany_maria

Movie Reviews: Zero Dark Thirty + 16 others

Zero Dark Thirty (2012)
This has no emotional tone. Various agitated people spew vitriol as they hunt bin Laden. Chris Pratt is a Navy SEAL among other brutishly untameable homo-stylish SEALS. Mark Strong and John Barrowman are men in suits. The super-strait-laced CIA agent Maya (Jessica Chastain) does a lot of wordless staring. Her friend gets blown up with no eulogising. Kyle Chandler, James Gandolfini and Harold Perrineau feature. There are carefully curated visuals and solipsists. The climax is all stoicism and is not triumphal. This was mediocre.

Best Lines:
“Pre 9-11 understanding.”

“Keeping me from getting ass-raped in a Pakistani prison.”

“Black hawk down in the animal pit.”

“Can you pop it manually?”

“A negative breach.”

“Do not leave a hard drive.”

“Where do you want to go?”

~
Disclosure (1994)
Sexist.

The Texas Chainsaw Massacre (1974)
Good.

A Streetcar Named Desire (1951)
Good.

The Punisher (2004)
The Punisher (Thomas Jane) takes on a revolting criminal (John Travolta). This has no happy resonance.

Murder By Numbers (2002)
A cop (Sandra Bullock) takes on evil teenagers. Okay.

Pretty Woman (1990)
Trash.

Star Wars: The Phantom Menace (1999)
Horrible.

Star Wars: Attack Of The Clones (2002)
Horrible.

Star Wars: Revenge Of The Sith (2005)
Risibly egregious piss.

Knocked Up (2007)
Sexist tosh.

Green Street (2005)
Silly.

30 Days Of Night (2007)
Ok but I wish Danny Huston had eaten Josh Hartnett.

Ghost Ship (2002)
Okay.

Forget Paris (1995)
Debra Winger gets a bird stuck in her hair! Har har har, not.

The Mummy Returns (2001)
Okay.

Best Line:
“The next apocalypse!!!”

The Recruit (2003)
Poo.
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