epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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House Of Cards season 3, part 2 + True Blood 7x10 + Once Upon A Time 4x01 Reviewed

Chapter 30
How did Underwood get away with making Claire an ambassador? Heather Dunbar is a rich potential POTUS candidate so Underwood tries to make her a Supreme Court Justice instead. A raucous whiner whines. Meechum lurks. The doddery justice won’t go. Underwood has lost his mojo as everyone sees through him. Ayla sticks her nose in. What about Slugline? Seth annoys. Heather declares she will run for POTUS and touts her purity and TV-readiness. Doug tempts Heather with dirt on the Underwoods. This was okay but in a sacrilegious final scene Underwood looks into ecumenical matters.

Best Lines:
“I’m sorry but I can’t.”

“I won’t forgive you.”

“Some boiled peanuts.”

“My long-lead piece.”

“Do you see me laughing?”

“You don’t have any friends, Ayla, on either side of the fence.”

“You got Walker, but you couldn’t get me.”

“Is this how you live with yourself.”

“I can’t indulge that.”

Chapter 31
Underwood plans to loot FEMA funds. Jackie, Remy and Underwood plot. A new reporter Kate (Kim Dickens of ‘Gone Girl’) shows up to annoy. Underwood gets no loving but gets support from a tough-arse mayor. AmWorks is a go. Claire flits around the UN. Dog faced Jackie gets a ring. Doug gets a job. Claire dictates from the toilet. Underwood wants a biography written by an author who seems doped. Freddy resurfaces. Meechum glares at the author. This was good.

Best Lines:
“I came to your office because I want this to remain your office.”

“They always make that threat.”

“Me in a coma, is number 2.”

“I sold my x-box on eBay.”

Chapter 32
The Underwoods head to Russia to free an imprisoned gay activist. The author reveals he was once a pimp. No one mentions Russo. Doesn’t the hacker have an FBI job? Viktor Petrov looms. Underwood looks wide. The imprisoned git is unsympathetic. Ostensibly we’re supposed to care but we don’t. Things almost work with Petrov and then go awry because Claire needs attention. The hacker manipulates Rachel’s ex Lisa. Claire is dim, the ‘tragic’ dude is a fool and this was ghastly.

Best Lines:
Words you can disown.”

“You don’t have to mean it. You just have to say it.”

“False intentions.”

“His pain doesn’t matter.”

“We dragged the First Lady out by her hair.”

“I’m finding it more and more difficult to tolerate your paranoia.”

“You say very word.”

“Some moral epiphany.”

Thank You
Sneering toned Bill tells Sookie to kill him and have babies with some random. They are dysfunctional poison. Pam and Eric have moral promiscuity. Sarah is treated in fetid and oblique fashion in this last ever ep. Nothing touches Sookie’s shellac veneer. This has no melancholy, consistency of tone or sincerity. Stupid plastic fangs are flashed. Jason is all feculence. Half-bright Jessica and Hoyt are to marry despite not knowing each other. Sookie dresses like crackwhore Skipper. People who pointed out the crap the main characters got up to have all been killed off.

This ep was a personal indulgence by TPTB. Bill gets away with his deliberate acts of malice. Jessica looks like crackwhore Barbie. Hoyt is like a man with TBI marrying the woman who gave him that TBI. How can Sookie read Bill? Andy sings the praises of the woman who ATE three of his children. Bill’s end is not sadly beautiful. It, like this ep, is drab and very very serious. This entire ep was a non-starter. Sookie is a selfish, self-obsessed, maker of unhappy noises. There is a homage to season 1 again. And a ‘Forever Knight’ homage. Bill dies and Sookie presumably fills in the grave with her bare hands.

Years pass and Pam and Eric sell New Blood and get rich. Sookie is pregnant by some random. Jason is a breeder with Hoyt’s sloppy seconds. Sam resurfaces. Pam and Eric still hang out at Fangtasia pimping Sarah Newlin in the basement. Vampires have grim secrets and TPTB think sexual violence is fitting. This was crap.

Best Lines:
“Sarah Newlin eating garbage.”

“May I explain myself?”

“Kill him with my light ball.”

“Un-fairy yourself.”

“It’s part of my TRUTH.”

“Daddy’s hungry baby.”

A Tale Of Two Sisters
Regina cynically contrives. Anna and Elsa from ‘Frozen’ are grafted onto this show. I didn’t bother with season 3 and I didn’t miss much. Regina whines about always being the villain and wants Robin Hood’s wife dead. Robin Hood was played at first by Tom Ellis but is now played by Sean MaGuire. Rumpo summons up a hat or something. Maid Marian runs around. Regina has low behavioural standards. Snow White has a baby and is boring. Henry is taller yet still full of idiocy and banality. Elsa’s costume is ugly and she leaves an ice trail.

Regina and her mirror man plot to find the author of the book. The boring, farcical and bleak Neal is dead. Yay! Rumpo wants to stop with the profoundly psychopathic unpleasantness. Regina and Robin Hood exchange prettified blandishments - they were an item? How? When? Regina keeps mirror man locked up. She’s not reformed at all. Regina takes perverse pride in being evil.

Belle and Rumpo have married and do a dance. Emma and Hook have hooked up? Elsa has various classes of unhappiness. Where is Ruby? There are no happy possibilities. Emma is all hypocrisy and emptiness. Mirror man has melancholy. Anna, her dumb mancandy and reindeer annoy. Regina demands happiness. This was frivolous

Best Lines:
“This cursed tome.”

“The last curse.”

“He and his 12 angry brothers.”

“Appears immutable.”

“Not now Swan.”
Tags: house of cards, once upon a time, true blood

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