Audrey gets a dollhouse from her uncle. Audrey can’t act. Her dad figures out the dollhouse is magic. This was utterly horrendous.
“We gotta get a new TV.”
“I like to shop.”
“Dinner would not be burnt.”
POTUS Underwood visits his father’s grave and it looks like bad green screen. Where is his mother? Underwood pees on the gravestone. Where is Meechum? Doug’s not dead and we see his endless recovery from the head injury. Underwood is not popular. I don’t care about Doug. Where is Walker? Underwood rants about his criteria. Doug shows his ass. This ep was improbable and incohesive. Who is Donald? I don’t care about the tragically intertwined Doug and Underwood. What happened to the CWI? Claire wants to be Ambassador to the UN with disproportionate ambition. Mendoza (Benito Martinez) sees himself as the next POTUS. Claire whines like a toddler and is entitled. Doug does pills, booze and a hooker. This was not laudable at all.
“But I have to do these sort of things now. Makes me seem more human.”
“Nobody showed up for his funeral. Except me. Not even my mother.”
“I don’t want a version.”
“It made her deeply unhappy.”
“Don’t be gentle.”
“I still want it.”
Claire does the obligatory hearing and is not dissuaded by failing it miserably. Remy lingers and glowers. Underwood learns his own party wants to discard him and sees him as a placeholder. His AmWorks bill is unwanted. Underwood clenches his jaw and Claire slips up. All they’ve clamoured for is slipping away. Mendoza, Womack and Jackie have a depletion in support for Underwood. Seth needs to comb his hair. Meechum shows up. Jackie meets a reporter. Underwood and Claire fornicate on the floor. Claire refuses to accept that she’s unqualified. Underwood consolidates. Jackie is smug and has conflated her worth. Doug lurks like a crazy homeless person. Claire acts weird. This was okay.
“You weren’t even elected to the office in the first place.”
“You won’t have our support.”
Pussy Riot and the Russian president Viktor Petrov visit the White House. Petrov is taller and more skeletal and shinier than Underwood. Ambassador Claire Underwood is inept. Doug is offered a new job. Petrov (Lars Mikkelsen of ‘Sherlock’) plots. The hacker bores. This was good apart from the liberal crap.
“Yes, I’ve seen them.”
“What confuses you?”
“A travel lock on my passport.”
“Don’t cower to him.”
And The Woman Clothed In The Sun
Hannibal is so cordial to Will. There are unnecessary flashbacks to the mumbling, dismal Abigail with her risible credulousness. I’m sick of the misbegotten ambitions of the TPTB. This was lubriciously okay. Alana poses like a 1940s vamp, she and Margot have had a baby and are rolling in Verger money. Alana runs the madhouse. Freddie lurks and Will bitches about how she photographed his temporary colostomy bad. There is a hilarious shout out to the slash fiction this show generates. Francis speaks and likes a woman (Rutina Wesley of ‘True Blood’). Francis plots, Hannibal plots, Alana plots and Will sighs.
“He’s the Verger heir.”
“He who sups with the devil needs a long spoon.”
“There are only five doors between Hannibal and the outside. And I have the keys to all of them.”
“You know better than to breed.”
“A stepson absolves you of any biological blame.”
“You didn’t die enough.”
“I love a good finger wagging.”
“Yes you do. How’s Margot?”
“Indignity and the company of the dead.”
“That’s the same atrocious aftershave you wore in court.”
“Graspy second raters. Pencil lickers.”
“They won’t let me have scissors.”
“You called us murder-husbands.”