epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Monsters (1988 - 1991) 1x24 + Mutant X (2001 - 2004) 1x06 - 1x10 + Hannibal 3x08 Reviewed

La Strega
A git named Vito (Rob Morrow of ‘Quiz Show’, ‘Last Dance’, ‘Northern Exposure’, ‘Street Time’ and ‘Numb3rs’) wants to kill Lia (Linda Blair of ‘The Exorcist’, ‘Airport 1975’, ‘Summer of Fear’, ‘Hell Night’, ‘Repossessed’, ‘Calendar Girl’ and ‘Scream’). Vito is sure Lia is an evil witch who cursed his mother. Lia ties him up on her sofa and seduces him in sepia tones and the banging seemingly destorys his IQ.

Vito has excessive hair gel and Morrow overacts with disturbing gusto. Is Lia or Vito’s mother the lying malevolent witch? We never really know. This looks cheap with flimsy sets and a low budget. This is clichéd with an un-original plotline. Linda Blair has an emotionless demeanour and Vito has moral insanity. This was oddly interesting yet perpetually boring. There is yelling, a twist and the ending is bizarre and confusing and not harrowingly pathetic.

Best Lines:
“I ain’t gonna rob you.”

“Go to the police, you find out.”

“She’s as dead as your mother is.”

“The fate of a man is in this belt.”


The Meaning Of Death
A disease affects mutants. Shalimar wears a hazmat suit. Did nobody ever ask who built Sanctuary? A GSA agent (Anthony Lemke of ‘Queen Of Swords’) has social aggression. Mason and Adam join forces to cure the disease whilst slinging insults at each other. Mason wants his agenda to intersect with Adam. Mason’s sidekick du jour is murderous and Adam yells and kicks the man’s tooth out. Adam mumbles about a bio-transmission and all is well. This was okay. Did Mason know what Adam was?

Best Lines:
“Not being a new mutant, I’m immune.”

“I was bitter long before I took this job.”

“Your freakish monstrosities.”

“Your bete noir. Your reason for living.”

“For a man whose life is completely defined by that which he hates the most. This could be your undoing.”

“Eckhart’s always hated me.”

“You two are joined at the hip.”
“That’s an ugly thought.”

“That doesn’t give you pangs of guilt?”

“I know the man.”

“Your personal despair.”

Lit Fuse
Proxy Blue blathers. What became of it in seasons 2&3? There’s a blackout, a bounty hunter and Brennan being a moron. This was not ingeniously plotted. Brennan is several inches taller than Adam. Emma wears a maxi skirt split all the way up which seems to defy the purpose. This was not good at all. Mutant X and their good teeth and shiny hair save the day. The Double Helix has stealth shields. Everyone jumps Brennan at the end.

Best Lines:
“Endless stream of paranoia.”

“Genetic residue.”

“Oh that’s nice.”

“Break down the spark gap.”

In The Presence Of Mine Enemies
Adam plays chess and poker with Emma and Shalimar simultaneously and wins. Proxy Blue is onto Eckhart. There is a mention of electronic gossip boards. WTF? Eckhart wants the cartoon gone. Jesse doesn’t know what ‘suborn’ means. Someone tries to hack Sanctuary. An evil GSA agent and a twig stick cracker face off. Mutant X plan to break into the GSA. There is a raid on the GSA and recycled footage and the GSA’s fake Proxy Blue is red. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“A whining voice for the paranoid lunatic fringe.”

“Sometimes innocent bystanders disappear with them.”

“Bully assumption that might makes right.”

“Arrogance, over-confidence and smugness.”

“I love the fact that is subtly blames the victim.”

“Hopeless dope fiend.”

“Take your hands off me.”

Crime Of The New Century
A child is kidnapped. There is mention of a French space station. Adam wears a t-shirt. Season 2 showed that Adam was a famous scientist so why did no-one recognise him when he was undercover? Adam wears fake glasses. The boy and his mother are mutants. A bad government agent lurks. People are thankless, there is a twist and someone is easily forgiven. This wasn’t good.

Best Line:
“Go there now.”

Dark Star Rising
Ralf Moeller of ‘The Scorpion King’ guest stars as a member of an international elite combat unit. The unit was experimented on and those who survived became mutants. Emma does yoga. Adam takes a blood sample with a pipette and seems to get a crick in his neck looking up at Moeller. Mason gets whiplash and this was mediocre.

Best Line:
“An incursion drop team.

The Great Red Dragon
The brooding nutter Tooth Fairy killer (Richard Armitage) and his fanciful delusions shows up. Where is the gutter reporter Freddie? There is a three year time jump. Where is the horrified public reaction to Lecter’s crimes? Lecter copped an insanity plea. Lecter’s cell is ornate and he is a significant ongoing risk. The Tooth Fairy prances and doesn’t speak. Chilton (Raul Esparza) has no issues that Lecter served him human. Where is Lass? Where is Margot? Is there a baby?

Alana preens. At this juncture, it’s too late to fix this show. Jack is back in the FBI and drags Will back. Considering what happened last time, you’d think he’d learn. Where is Bedelia? Will has a wife and stepson but Jack feels righteous justification to make Will return and catch the Tooth Fairy. Hannibal writes to Will. This was dull and with one completely unnecessary line. The FBI forensic techs return. Will drinks and visits Lecter. This was dull and I felt disengaged.

Best lines:
“It’s dark on the other side and madness is waiting.”

“Woman’s gotta get in the ground.”

“He bites. A lot.”

“You’re officially insane.”

“Something entirely other.”

“Colons lose their novelty.”

“You wrote a book of lies.”

“Betrayed by good taste.”
Tags: 1980s horror anthologies, hannibal, numb3rs, review

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