epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Fortune Hunter (1994) 1x05 + Mission Impossible 2x16 Reviewed

Red Alert
This generic schlock bad pulp spy drama starring the late Mark Frankel as Carlton Dial was cancelled and I’m not surprised. Super spy Dial runs around doing stuff while his irritating partner Harry can’t act. A Russian spy satellite crashes. There is bad acting. Mark Frankel uses his real English accent. The opening credits feature Frankel doing a dramatic turn and jumping off things and is so very 90s. This show is full of bad synth music.

A mad general (J.G. Hertzler of ‘Star Trek: Deep Space Nine’) uses the satellite as part of a plot to form an impendent Ukraine. No comment. Dial doesn’t like Harry. There is really bad acting. The satellite is full of toxins. Is the USSR gone or what? Dial casually mentions he was married for 17 days and was in an East German prison. Pompous liberal windbags spout hot air. This has no old school credibility and is terrible. Frankel also appeared in the far superior ‘Solitaire For 2’ and ‘Kindred: The Embraced’. It is hard to believe he has been dead almost 20 years.

Best Lines:
“Oh my god. What was that?”
“Let’s go find out.”

“Don’t touch it.”
“I wasn’t planning to.”

“You always were a sweetheart auntie.”

“Watch the new mission disc.”

“Here. Smell this.”

“I hate to be ungrateful but hands up!”

“I own a Burger King!”

“Which Roosevelt?”

“Who’s the bass player for Pearl Jam?”

“Not a chance.”

“You’re a bad liar too.”

“You can’t tell me you need a jackhammer.”

“I’m not good at trust.”

The Sands Of Seth
In Egypt people suspend all rational though to follow a crazy cultist in this final ever ep. TPTB seem to have a low opinion of the viewers intelligence. Nobody is emotionally or morally conflicted about their work. Jim does portentous verbal interplay. The baddie does psychotic behaviour. Nicholas has smooth charm yet seems cold. People yap about Seth. Utter moral ambiguity is sniffed out. Grant yaps and fakes a scroll with a laser printer.

The baddie tries for gravity and fails. He is the sort who’d go through you for a shortcut. Nicholas wears an ugly unbuttoned shirt and has a sad gaze. Various people dress like it is the 1930s. Shannon and Jim pretend to be father and daughter. Hieroglyphics are faked. Max punches people. A guy pretends to be a mummy.

Obvious fakes are accepted as real. Max gets in with the excoriating baddie. Grant dons gold eyeliner. Nicholas is in peril, again. This was good. Max has to fake murder Nicholas. Cue lots of OTT gurgling and the baddie being defeated. The IMF somehow escapes and wanders off destroying antiquities in the process.

Best Lines:
“They are only sleeping.”

“Several radical Arab states.”

“I think I made an impression.”

“Most of his images were destroyed during the Crusades.”

“You scum!”

“Your attitude is very unfriendly.”

“You’re still here, I see.”
“Yeah. Does it bother you?”
“Frankly, yes.”

“The seal of the seven jackals. No one has entered here for 4000 years.”

“The dead will walk again.”

“The master does as he pleases.”

“Robe him for the ceremony.”

“I would die for you!”
“And you will!”

“You’re all crazy!”

“What’s wrong with you people?”

“While I intone the ancient scroll.”

“Both of them lost in the sands of time.”
Tags: mission impossible, review

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