epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

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Movie Reviews: Housebound + 10 others

Housebound (2014)
This New Zealand horror opens with an ATM robbery going awry. Kylie (it's Naomi from 'Neighbours'!) the failed robber gets home detention at her mother’s remote house. You could not with the best will in the world describe this as subtle. Kylie and her mother Miriam clash. Kylie’s alleged addiction doesn't leave her a rotten faced toothless methhead. Kylie is surly, there are jump scares and the friendly ankle bracelet monitor, Amos, won’t leave. A door creaks so Kylie takes it off its hinges. The house has a secret. Kylie reacts with cold imperiousness and violence. Kylie is determined to deal with the uninvited ghost so finds clues and suspects a weirdo neighbour of being a psychotic. Kylie is unapologetically mean and very irresponsible. Heroically dumb acts are carried out, there are twists and this was sadly all mediocrity.

Best Lines:
“How you’d come by that estimation?”

“I was coming off the back of a 3 day bender and I probably shouldn’t have used a tire chain.”

“His teeth fall down the vent.”

“Know what else causes a rancid smell: dead people.”

“She was stabbed 67 times with a meat fork!”

“Attacked by a vengeful ghost?”

The Witches (1990)

Lifepod (1993)
Ron Silver directed this tale of an escape pod floating in space. Dull.

No Escape (1994)

Tank Girl (1995)

Village of The Damned (1995)
Horrible remake.

Virtuosity (1995)
Russell Crowe plays an evil computer programme brought to life who runs around killing people while wearing ugly 90s attire and shouting and getting naked and shouting. Camp.

Deep Rising (1998)
A monster eats people on a cruise ship. Camp.

eXistenZ (1999)

Wing Commander (1999)

Amstedamned (1988)
A Dutch horror about a serial killer lurking in the canals. Okay.
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