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Beat Feet
The dismal, vacuous and ridiculous ‘drama’ drags on. The evil Colonel acts suspiciously. Bob the stranger fearing agoraphobe mutters. Harrison the non-discerning cuboid chunk of ham is unaware of Ruby’s murderous ways. The irritating kid plot meanders along. The often maddening Peter acts in undignified ways. Bob does deranged Freudian mutterings. Harrison is disconcertingly dumb and arrogant. I am uninterested in this and its synthesiser tones.

Odelle’s husband moves on, Peter’s boring wife is an idiot, ursine malevolence is everywhere, there is muttering about Black Sands and Peter has no winsome integrity. The sinister pressure and intertangled plot threads are bloated and boring. Odelle sees her funeral and still acts stupidly. Mutual recriminator Peter man-handles someone whilst acting like a paranoid nutter due to unending threats. Ruby shags her boss (Connor Trinneer). This was dire and un-involving.

Best Lines:
“You scared yet?”

“There is a plan.”

“You don’t even miss her.”

“Why would I do that? How would I do that?”

Death Is Not The End
Hoyt learns his momma is dead but not that Jason’s skanky vampire glapal killed her. The hot werewolf’s father finds out his son is dead. Sookie doesn’t care that Tara is dead. Jason doesn’t care his hot galpal killed Hoyt’s mother. Eric makes evil faces and suddenly remembers Willa. Vampires are awful. There are more Eric flashbacks in which a character looms into the shot from the shadows. Fangtasia started out as an XXX video store in 1986.

Sookie bullies Holly manically. Jason is an ass. Jessica and James have issues. Sookie is awful. Flashbacks to 1996 show how college girl Ginger met Eric and Pam. Flashbacks to 2006 show how Ginger has given up college to work in the video store and she came up with the idea for the vampire bar which Pam stole. Vampires are awful. Sad music plays. Eric and Willa reunite. There is a rescue mission, idiots, a fight, Terry visits and Arlene nearly dies. This was detestable and sorely lacking.

Best Lines:
“Good vampire cinema.”

“Close your mouth dear.”

“What are you?”
“I’m his.”

“Your nasty place.”

“You’re the law.”

“This place smells like sperm and piss and bad hair dye.”

“Put those away.”

“Oh good, there’s more.”

“I can make her remember.”

“I trust you.”
“You shouldn’t.”

“We have a Christian to kill.”

“I triggered an avalanche that killed an entire ski village.”

The Night Room
In 2011 Jennifer came to work at the Night Room and the music goes evil. People had tried to steal the virus before. In 2015 Jennifer is interrogated. In 2043 the time machine is busted. In 2015 Cole and Cassandra’s raid on the lab goes badly as the Army of the 12 Monkeys got there before them. Cassandra is profoundly sad. There is scary music and in 2043 Max has stories about Jones, bad stories.

Who is The Witness who leads the Army of the 12 Monkeys? The Army of the 12 Monkeys are like The Dawn in the 90s show ’The Burning Zone’. Both want to end the world. In 2043 Ramse learns something. But where did the photos come from? In 2015 there is a thing in the vault and Jennifer is menaced with a rat. This was excellent with a twist.

Best Lines:
“Brimstone, horsemen, zombies, crazy clowns.”

“The Big Burn is a better out.”

“You can’t save everyone.”
“I thought that was the point.”

“Cole wasn’t the first was he?”
“No. There were others. Others lost in time.”

“Thank you. You can go now.”

“I remember enough.”

“In a 1000 generations we would not rebuild what was lost!”

The Red Forest
Cole has ended up in a 2043 where the West 7 are in control of Project Splinter. Cole can’t cope with this alternate timeline and then he learns that in this time Deacon isn’t the leader of the West 7. Ramse is. Cole’s assurances work. Marcus is angry. There is mention of Spearhead.

Aaron is worried about Wexler, a CIA whistleblower. There are mentions of Operation Troy. Cole menaces Aaron who reiterates his dislike of Cole. There is talk of the Brotherhood. Cassandra is in peril. The Army of the 12 Monkeys act in revolting fashion. Is Aaron trustworthy? Poor choices and decisions are made. Aaron learns the truth. This was very good.

Best Lines:
“This is wrong, you’re wrong.”

“What’s 911?”

“Nice job jackass.”

The Keys
The CIA created the virus from the thing in the vault as a bioweapon to kill Wexler. Where did the thing in the vault come from? Why was the pathogen in it unknown? Pouty thing Cassandra is affected by her encounter with the Army of the 12 Monkeys. Cole’s dying. The Army of the 12 Monkeys have connections to antiquity. Cole is softened. The aggressively nonchalant Aaron tries to have sophistication and panache.

Wexler is scathing and has plaintive insolence. Cole, Aaron and Cassandra refight battles and face hard stares. There are disturbing failures of virus control and imprecision in decision making. Wexler lacks diligence and self control and he knew about the Army of the 12 Monkeys. Cassandra has endless lamentations. This was kind of turgid and guest star Stephen McHattie did little.

Best Lines:
“We need this guy dead.”

“You just look.”

“I’m in the middle of the woods. No bleach.”

“You’ve no idea what you’ve just done.”

“It’s over. For everyone.”

2043: Jones has no sociability and Ramse has no obsequious deference. The time machine is busted again. Jones and co head to Spearhead for help. Spearhead is lead by Colonel Foster (Xander Berkeley of ‘Nikita’). Foster wants to find a cure and years ago staged a coup to make people fight the constantly mutating pestilent virus. The Colonel has unquestioning deferential followers and is opposed to Project Splinter. Ramse is highly obtrusive and meets his lost love Elena (who looks like Helen Hunt) and their son. Jones comes across as a negative influence and a nut. Meanwhile Aaron and Cassandra reunite. No one wonders where Jennifer is and Cole is alive. But there is a twist. This was okay.

Best Lines:
“Temporal mishaps.”

“A pointless endeavour.”

“Not even the immune can survive another one.”

“What did she do now?”

“They were all lost in the fires when Atlanta fell.”


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