epiphany_maria (epiphany_maria) wrote,

Movie Review: How I Live Now (2013)

Tom Holland the new Spider-Man co-stars in this tonally inconsistent UK drama alongside Anna Chancellor of ‘Suburban Shootout’. Loud unhappy American Daisy comes to the rural UK to spend time with her aunt (Chancellor) and cousins Piper, Ed and Isaac (Holland). Daisy is all Beats headphones, eyeliner, noir nail polish, ripped tights and rank hypocrisy. She moons over her ‘Kes’ like cousin Ed who wears an ugly jumper and ignores all talk of a great off-screen war. Daisy is detestable in every way. Her preoccupied aunt leaves for peace talks and Daisy enjoys the countryside idyll until there is a mood shift when London is nuked.

There are no answers or even questions as to what is going on. Daisy makes out with her cousin. Everyone seems fine for being doused in fallout as do their animals. Daisy burns her Emergency Travel Document from the US embassy to stay with Ed. It’s all a lark to them. Then soldiers show up and there is another mood shift as the kids are separated and sent off to different places to work. They need to be given the slap as they’re so inherently selfish.

This film is like ‘Tomorrow, When The War Began’ and ‘Threads’ only crap and completely ineffective. There is talk of contaminated water, secure zones and a mysterious ‘they’. Piper and Daisy are put to work and somehow Daisy’s hair bleach never grows out. She is a walking genital sore. There is death and eating of diarrhoea like substances. Daisy will not tolerate sense. Who is attacking? What is going on? Why is nobody helping? How did Daisy get a gun?

There is more death and Daisy is mental and inept. Perverts show up. Fairytale elements are woven into the story in bizarre fashion. There are improbable coincidences and then things jut get back to normal. This was ridiculous.

Best Lines:
“Which one are you?”

“Would you like to see my unicorn?”
“Um, probably not.”

“How much dead animal do you want?”

“Knob cheese.”

“Bucket’s by the toilet.”

“Water zone D.”

“They’ve taken the checkpoint!”
Tags: movie review, suburban shootout

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