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13 Commandments (2016-?) 1x01
This Belgian TV drama opens with a young woman being bothered by her own family. The opening credits are dull and there is no cultural nuance here. An icily implacable blonde female cop states and another female cop who is brunette seems to have no hidden depths or pathos. This is all hellish suffering, murky circumstances, vague lunacy and unignorable inextinguishable nihilism.

A man is a nark out of financial necessity. There are load and loads of potato faced characters in this show which is not undeniably compelling or riveting or harrowing. A homeless guy finds the body of the young woman. Why do the police wear armbands that look like something out of the SS? Nobody has good morals and this deals with contentious subjects and is not a crescendo of achievement.

There is no moral fibre and there are no morally upstanding people. The dead girl was pregnant and was presumably killed by her family. The blonde female cop seeks media attention. This show manages the not inconsiderable feat of making Belgium look devoid of decency or integrity. People have chilling indifference and no moral credibility. This is all bewildering banality.

This was not finely wrought and has charmless dialogue. The brunette female cop has a comatose mother. This psychodrama isn’t unsettling or compulsive viewing and is all lurid dullness. The dead girl’s creepy uncle is a suspect. Her mother is fine with her daughter being killed for being a domestic irritation. The uncle is smug.

A cop has a lame bitchy ex and a party girl daughter. People are emotionally inconsistent. The Turkish uncle is unassailable. The victim’s mother could care less. There is a mysterious text message. There is a horrible attempted murder. The killer is apparently killing according to the Ten Commandments with causualised sadism. No thank you, this makes no sense.

Best Lines:
“Their mums won’t let them go to Syria.”

“I don’t do lunch.”

“There has to be some DNA. He’s not Dexter.”

“His arrogant mug.”

“He couldn’t hack it as a bus driver.”

“You’re Brad Pitt in ‘Seven’.”

Kill All Others
This has nice opening credits and is based on Dick’s story ‘Hanging Stranger’. In a dystopian future, you can’t escape targeted advertising. A fat put-upon everyman broods. There is an upcoming election which apparently only has one candidate: The Candidate (Vera Farmiga). The fat dude notices there is something very wrong with his society and it leads him on a path that ends with devastating finality.

America now encompasses Canada and South America and maybe even the world. There is a uniparty system and the fat dude becomes aware of troublesome truths. A smartwatch is slapped on him. Privacy no longer exists and The Candidate spews meaningless phrases. Apathy is everywhere. The fat dude has no supportive home life and nobody seems to do anything.

The fat dude is called a manuelist for using public transport and his views are not sought. Nobody’s views are sought. Fat dude works in a factory where he is only one of 3 workers working at meaningless jobs. His colleagues urge him to buy stuff and don’t seem to care about him.

His sensation-free life is not emotionally resonant and he is stoically trying, he is unfavoured by his wife. Then The Candidate says: “Kill all others.” People seemingly ignore this but fat guy doesn’t. People have a lack of aspirations and drive but he becomes agitated and argumentative and makes a sad redemptive try.

He’s desperate for change; a work colleague mentions the old days and the Global Trade Agreements. Where did all the other factory workers go? Fat guy is an Olympian whinger as tries to figure out what kill all others means. People have chilling ambivalence and the world is defamilarised. Fat guy sees threats everywhere and cannot engage with society and becomes socially isolated. He not unreasonably cracks up and hits his wife.

Ever more dissatisfied with his life, he runs out on Maggie his wife and his overbearing neediness results in emotional wreckage. A transparent TV remote is wielded. Nobody ever explains who or what the much despised others are. Car licence plates are now barcodes. People chase a person. There are unintended consequences to his passionate conviction that something is very wrong. A body hangs from a billboard and nobody cares. This is okay if not stupendous. Nothing is reasoned and fat guy Phil faces more than career ruin as he is destroyed by the malign overflow of his society and the sense of intimidation grows.

Best Lines:
“Stop banging routers.”

“Yes us can.”

“Why are we all pretending like we have a choice?”

“Great meganation.”

“Who are the others?”

“A little other.”

“To invite observation.”

“Don’t want to talk political.”

“Situational facts.”

“She’s an other!”

“Do you see the sheep?”




Movie Reviews: Solace + 7 others

Solace (2015)
Jeffrey Dean Morgan and Anthony Hopkins make complete spectacles of themselves in a film where nobody follows logical lines of behaviour. A psychic (Hopkins) faces acrimony and visions and a serial killer. Hopkins tries for magisterial elegance. This was manifestly absurd and the female FBI agent babbles. Sigh.

The Sweetest Thing (2002)

Turbo: A Power Rangers Movie (1997)

Just Friends (2005)

Weekend At Bernie’s (1989)

Vertical Limit (2000)
A joke.

Kingpin (1996)

Notting Hill (1999)

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘Ordeal By Innocence’ trailer
The now Ed Westwick free BBC 3 part drama in which an alibi comes too late.

‘Avengers: Infinity War’ trailer
Something comes to NY. People stare. Why does the baddie want to wipe out half the universe? Stark bores. Spiderman is a menace. Dr Strange waves his fingers. Wanda and Vision stare. Black Widow has gone mad with the flair. Black Panther poses. Chris Pratt bores. Heroes team up. The Racoon and Thor are there. But where is Hawkeye? Where is Loki? Bucky poses and Dr Strange is in peril. The gauntlet is seen. Mmmm.

Best Line:
Using your made up names.”

‘Electric Dreams: Kill All Others’ promo

Best Line:
One of them!”

‘Surface’ (2005) promo
“There’s something in the water!”

RIP Sudan the rhino.

I could have watched the 2014 movie ‘Good People’ but I didn’t.

I hope to review ‘Timeless’ season 2 and ‘Spooks: The Greater Good’.

Who saw ‘Cinema Paradio’ or ‘My Left Foot’ or ‘Far and Away’ or ‘Boys From The Black Stuff’ or ‘Ahead Of The Class’ (2005) or ‘Born American’ (1986) or ‘Paycheck’ (2003) or ‘Alfie’ (2004) or ‘St Elmo’s Fire’ (1985) or ‘Babe: Pig In The City’ (1998) or ‘K-9’ (1989) or ‘Hostage’ (2005) or ‘The Bachelor’ (1999)?

Recall ‘Lie To Me’?

‘Fair City’ Quote:
“Making mad accusations.”

‘The Sunday Business Post’ Quotes:
“Long outlived his usefulness.”

“The cynical monetising of an imaginary past.”

“Bull riding is officially the most dangerous extreme sport in existence.”

“Are often accused, and sometimes justifiably so,”

“Equipped with four phones into which he would yell, often simultaneously.”

“Confuses constant hysterical activity with entertainment.”

‘Sunday Independent’ Quotes:
Follow you home, and shout jokes through your letterbox!”


“I wanted love and attention from my parents, but I signalled this to them by wearing bin bags and smoking fags and listening to the Sex Pistols, and by being as hostile and contemptuous as possible. I presume they were terrified to come near me.”

“Make the world notice me and validate me.”

“I wasn’t famous or important.”

“Accept being ordinary.”

“You had to stand on the bed to get at the kitchen.”

‘Irish Daily Mail’ Quotes:
“Male voices are valued more than women’s voices.”

“Our universe is one of many.”

“I want white lilies on my coffin.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quotes:
“Do something unintelligent.”

“Don’t diminish me!”

‘Daily Mail’ Quotes:
“Rooms that haven’t been repainted since her Coronation.”

“In a manner that forbade a positive reply.”

“That’s mine! Only for me!”

“Retired Indian servicemen were deployed to prowl through the undergrowth at night with torches and handpick slugs from the leaves of plants.”
Fantastic Four (2015)
Change is coming. Oh wait, no it isn’t. This was directed by Josh Trank, whose career was seemingly killed by it. This stars Miles Teller, Michal B. Jordan, Kate Mara, Jamie Bell, Toby Kebbell and Reg E. Cathey.

Kid Ben Grimm is battered by his brother who yells “Clobbering time”. Kid Reed is a quasi racist sociopath who builds a matter teleported in his garage in 2007 and causes a blackout. Reed has a teacher who doesn’t care. Grimm grows up into Jamie Bell and a supercilious Miles Teller plays the creepy Reed who is still dismissed by teachers with dour dispositions.

The duo meet Dr Franklin Storm (Cathey) and his daughter Sue (Mara), they have steely determination. There was no moral justification for a reboot. Grimm chews gum and seems absent. They hang out at the Baxter Foundation doing science alongside Victor Von Doom (Kebbel) who looks like a homeless alcoholic tramp.

This was all dismalness and Reed changes people’s life chances by being an idiot. Johnny Storm (Jordon) drag races and has to work for his dad as a result. Grimm is suddenly not there for some reason. They build an inter-dimensional transporter in the centre of a city. Reed only notices Sue is there when he asks where she was adopted from, Kosovo as it turns out.

Victor who looks like the midget from ‘Game Of Thrones’ is less effective than Julian McMahon. This had a notoriously troubled production; there were obvious reshoots, cheap looking VFX, a hostile set and this was hated by the fans. Why do people always wrongly and tragically rely on Reed’s assurances which always takes a personal and professional toil.

What became of the poor monkey? Why didn’t the building have quarantine or protection or security? Mouth-breather Victor is presumed dead thanks to Reed being an idiot. There is no emotional drama and this was wholly untroubled by sense. No wonder there are negative perceptions of this movie. Harvey is some goob who lurks. There is emotion of Area 57. The gang got their powers after some drunken inter-dimensional travel. Sue was left out of said trip and got her powers by sheer chance.

Johnny gets his powers when he goes on fire, which is the most horrifying thing I’ve seen in a superhero movie since the female baddie was turned into a robot in ‘Superman III’. This was not brilliantly unhinged. What was the moral benefit to the unauthorised inter-dimesional travel? There is no sheer berserk absurdity. The other dimension looks like bad VFX and is called Planet Zero.

There is an absence of levity, joy or camp. Sue is winsome; Reed is not a model of wisdom or integrity. Johnny Storm says one-liners via obvious ADR. There is no howling drama. This is a narrative pigpen of unwise acts. This much derided film is wearying and shallow. It tries for darkly ominous. But this has no epic imaginative sweep or narrative focus. Reed does dull surprise acting. What happened when the city blacked out?

Grimm has been turned into a rock thing, Reed is all stretchy and Sue is an afterthought who got blasted by re-entry. Johnny on fire is genuinely horrifying and poor Grimm is pleading for help. Reed runs away ditching his so called friends and whatever Sue is to him. We know Sue will marry the jerk at some point. Why Sue why? Instead of a devastating emotional crescendo we get a one year time jump and they’ve all accepted their mutations, sort of. How did they get a suit on the Human Torch? There are exposition dumps and Sue wears a bad wig in some scenes.

Sue can turn invisible and create force fields. They are scared and in pain. Why didn’t they send Sue to capture Reed instead of The Thing? When did Reed learn hand to hand combat? The Thing is in pain. How does he eat, piss or crap? Why isn’t Reed surprised that Sue has powers?

Most of this movie takes place within underlit rooms. Dr Storm doesn’t punch Reed in the face for causing his 2 children to be horribly mutated in a drunken incident. Oddly neither do Sue nor Johnny. Reed messed with the Quantum Gate source code and people didn’t notice. Victor is still alive on Planet Zero looking like his environment suit melted into his skin and he glows and it is Doctor Doom’s armour from the comics given a silly new look. Victor had a seedy look before he was horribly mutated and now he looks ridiculous.

Victor has powers and kills people including Dr Storm. Victor has plans, vague plans and why does he have a cloak? The foursome end up on Planet Zero and can somehow breathe over there as Reed spews exposition. Where are all the trailer scenes? There is bad VFX in the incoherent final fight. I’ve no idea what is happening or why. How did they get home? They just dropped out of the sky?!? This was all variable performances, aggressive bravado and nonsense.

Best Lines:
“The Baxter incident.”

“Conquer dreams that weren’t even theirs.”

“Flame on.”

“He abandoned us and left us here.”

“This is all my fault.”
“That we can agree on.”

“Reed what did you do?”

“It’s just like ours but expensive.”

“Borat’s a dick.”

“You’re insane.”

“The Quantum Gate Project.”

“Doctor Doom over here.”

Beyond The Poseidon Adventure (1979)
The capsized liner is beset by salvagers. This was crap.

Airport 1975 (1975)
Charlton Heston has to tell Karen Black how to lane a plane after a mid-air collision kills the flight crew and damages the auto-pilot. Linda Blair plays a sick child and there is a singing nun. This was okay.

Airport 77 (1977)
A plane crashes into the sea and must be raised so the trapped passengers can be saved. Okay.

The Concorde: Airport 79 (1979)
This was implausible, the least of which is the concorde landing on a ski slope.

Airport (1970)

Right at Your Door (2006)
Rory Cochrane tries to survive a dirty bomb with his endless supply of duct tape and tarp. This was okay with a cruel twist ending.

The Hindenburg (1975)

Peter’s Friends (1992)
Luvvies attack! ‘Dead Again’ was better. Rita Rudner co-wrote and starred in this with Hugh Laurie and Tony Slattery.

Best Line:
“Fill me with your little babies!”

The Terminator (1985)

Avalanche (1978)

Risky Business (1983)

Donnie Darko (2002)

Amhran na Mara (2014)
Irish language version of a cartoon about a magical seal child and her human brother. This is a fug of idiocy.

Trailers, Quotes and Stuff

‘12 Monkeys’ season 4 trailer
Weird symobols, writing, a city, death, the old west, Deacon and that evil old biddy. There is also Nazis, fighting, Jennifer and a dropped vial. There is no Ramse (oh dear) and a nice new logo.

‘Prodigy’ trailer
A psychologist interviews a child. Why does she warrant such fear? Because she has powers. There is over-acting and no.

Best Line:
“Things that have proven dangerous.”

‘Riverdale’ 2x16 promo
Jughead broods and causes a riot. People fight and punch.

Best Line:
“I catch bad men.”

‘Sorry To Bother You’ trailer
A dude needs money and becomes a telemarketer. WTF is this? It seems amusing and has a silly note.

Best Lines:
“Get a room!”
“I’ve got a room.”

“Will Smith white.”

“They even have their own elevator.”

“Morally emaciating.”

‘Designated Survivor’ 2x14 promo
POTUS Kiefer faces a power cut and whispers that he plans to invoke martial law.

‘Timeless’ season 2 promo
Is the cute bad guy still in this?

‘Eastenders’ promo

‘The Waltons’ opening credits

‘Wreck-It Ralph 2’ trailer

‘13 Commandments’ promo

‘Cunk On Britain’ promo

What is ‘The Ranger’?

How is the 19th-century English bulldog extinct?

Who saw ‘Hanging By A Thread’ (1979) or ‘The Night The Bridge Fell Down’ (1983) or ‘The Big Bus’ or ‘Miss Potter’ (2006) or ‘All That Jazz’ or ‘The Mechanic’ (2011) or ‘Spanglish’ (2004) or ‘Psycho Cop 2’ (1993) or ‘Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within (2001) or ‘Making Mr Right’ (1987) or ‘Johnny Suede’?

‘Gotham’ is to be renewed? Why?

There are frozen microwaveable frozen cheese omelettes.

I want a 1989 Bulgari Heritage collection gold, diamond and Colombian emerald choker.

I’d like a Mozambican ruby.

I want the Carine Gilson silk & Chantilly lace slip.

What is a bralette?

Jamie Bamber was in a ‘Poirot’ ep and he couldn’t act then either.

I’d try ham trimmings in a cone. And maybe turnip juice and black garlic ketchup and saffron and honey flavoured ice-cream.

‘HowToSpendIt’ Quote:
“Choose between the bordello and the boring.”

‘Sky News’ Quotes:
“Using riot shields to protect people.”

“Cannot be unsaid.”

‘Neighbours’ Quote:
“You have been appalling.”

‘Fair City’ Quotes:
“You’re back.”
“Why wouldn’t I be? It’s my house.”

“Do all the trying you want.”

‘The Guardian’ Quotes:
“Pop artifice.”

“Hostile architecture.”

“Circle of shame.”

“Accusatory simulacrum.”

“He allegedly tried to fight one of them in a bar.”

“With its identity as art.”

“Cultural fractures.”

“Transformed the future into an abyss.”

“Very good at being furious.”

“No tolerance of difference.”

“Ethical training.”

“Maligned social innovations.”

“Negative stereotypes and the low expectations.”

“Established him as someone who should be listened to.”

“The (often well-intentioned) negative attidues.”

“They were killed for wearing the wrong thing, or because they were out of the house.”

“So engrained in our ideas of what showbiz is.”

“Nothing to breed away from.”

“Looked less like a Victorian ottoman with drool coming out one end.”

“A certain mysterious engineering that provides for a considerable amount of movement without a power source,”

‘RTE News’ Quote:
“Tiring lads out.”

‘Dr Phil’ Quotes:
“Punched your grandfather in the face.”

“Stole his drugs and sold them.”

“Filled with promise.”

“Bring chaos and terror to the home.”

“Culminated in a street fight.”

“Teamed up against them.”

“Brought terror to our doorstep.”

“Isn’t working at any level.”

“Stole grandpa’s medication to sell.”

‘American Housewife’ Quotes:
“The dark stuff.”

“You believed ‘The Hunger Games’ was real and happening in Russia.”


“You are wildly disliked.”

“I don’t want to get new teeth again.”

‘The Irish Times’ Quotes:
“Won’t pretend to have seen.”

“That hint of the embarssing street lunatic.”

“Incited arousal.”


“Enjoy this rare glimpse of a Jurassic biosphere.”

“Cause division within families.”

“Destabilise their understanding of their family history.”

“Cocaine evenings.”

‘The Simpsons’ Quote:
“Don’t mess yourself.”

‘FTWeekend’ Quotes:
“Never in the vicinity of grace in the first place,”

“Random pervert may lurk in wait.”

“A convincing female consciousness.”

“Playing out the lost fantasies of youth in the bodies in the bodies of faltering men.”

“Their weakness in the face of their given power.”

“Medicalised denial.”

“Elusive tonally.”

“If we moved in next door, your lawn would die.”

“At first the group was to be called Bastard, then on managerial advice it was renamed.”

“Endow a pee-redolent back alley with glamour.”

‘Poirot’ Quotes:
“Snotty nosed offspring of the poor.”

“Numb skull investigation.”

“The birds sing only briefly before some idiot in tweeds shoots them.”

“Unnecessary products.”

“Poisoned that awful husband of hers.”

“The dreadful means she’d taken.”

“Life was extinct.”

“A mood of great upset.”
In The Name Of The Family by Sarah Dunant
This sequel to ‘Blood and Beauty’ continues the tale of the sleazy, corrupt and emotionally incestuous Borgia clan. Machiavelli gets a lot of attention too for some reason. But this tale of arrogant posturing and self-centred lifestyles is dull.

Lucrezia gets syphilis from her husband and physicians refuse to consider the implication of the STD. Cesare loses his intimidation factor and unwavering confidence. The Borgia pope deserves all the moral condemnation he gets for the toxic culture of fear and malicious provocation he is responsible for.

Cesare spurns constraints and shows the result of growing up without any consequnces for his lack of responsibility. The Pope’s dedicated pursuit of pleasure and abdication of responsibility make him a menace. This was not delightfully delirious as the Borgias have idiotic over-confidence in themselves. They are insufferable and supercilious. How could amoralism and manifest flaws be so dull?

The moral consequences of seething vendettas and the family’s possessive sexual interest in each other are not fiendishly clever and lack maximum dramatic impact. This tale of a grim sounding time is impervious to meaningful interpretation.

Best Lines:
“The Pope has grown afraid of his own son.”

“Christendom will be a safer place without them.”

“Her mind was never a valued attribute.”

“Everything he owns will be taken from him,”

“The Borgias’ name has grown ever blacker, dragged deeper into the mud by the enemies who survived them.”

The Poseidon Adventure by Paul Gallico
This 1969 novel shows its age in some horribly dated horrible sexism but it does have a cynical bleak ending.

The Tower by Richard Martin Stern

The Glass Inferno by Thomas Scortia & Frank Robinson

Arrow 6x12 Reviewed

All For Nothing
Somebody framed Oliver for killing Cayden James’ son and so set them against each other. Oliver, Diggle and Felicity shrug at this. Oliver goes on about The Other Team, oh shut up you tool. Felicity babytalks, Diggle looks ridiculous and Oliver casts dark looks of suspcion. Felicity sneers about the murder of Cayden James’ son. Charming.

One is tired of Oliver and his underlying anger and willingness to repudiate people. Oliver talks with a tone of distain. This has no relevance. Oliver thinks he is the untouchably cool king of the town beloved by all who engages in righteous brawls instead of being a mess of ranting, hysterical responses and conspicuous gloating. He and Felicity need swift and severe consequences for their crap.

Vince dies and Oliver calls Vince a traitor after his death. This was ambient nothingness and is an inherently negative thing that was terminally dull. Oliver has a serene evenness of manner.

Nobody can question Oliver’s actions, decisions and motives. Quentin is useless and only echoes Oliver’s opinions. Thea and Quentin want to reclaim Black Siren and then they don’t. Or something. There is no redemptive reconciliation just forced conflict. I detest Dinah. There are useless flashbacks and Vince had to die for being unperturbed by Oliver the self-proclaimed terror to evil-doers.


Death, Depravity, Horror

Here are some shows that have favoured status because they tell tales of the self-inflicted results of recklessness with arch wit and lurid sensationalism and convoluted plotting. They cause chilly unease and are yums, let’s hope they don’t have prophetic accuracy.

Witchblade GabrielWild PalmsTrinity1x08Trinity1x08 2Trinity1x08 3Trinity1x08 4Trinity1x08 512Monkeys credits12Monkeys art12Monkeys Aaron12Monkeys credits212Monkeys credits


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