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The Crash

This has memorable cheesy opening credits, a kid actor and it was created by Irwin Allen. A shuttle heads for London. There are talk of powercells. They land but not in London. There are giants out there. A coward is cowardly. 2 people are sellotaped down and tormented by giants. A dog is in peril. This was unintentionally funny and fairly ludicrious. The giants have malign attentions and the situation is hopeless and this serves no narrative purpose whatsoever.


Best Lines:

“Solar turbulence area.”


“Tower clearance.”


“Something out there. I just hope it didn't see us.”


“Calling Spindrift.”


“This is the bottom of the barrell.”



Ghost Town
Chipper the dog is in peril. A giant pants over the heroes like a sex offender. The bad child actor is feared dead. This is not something profound. The heroes are trapped in a minature town.

Best Line:
"As American as pizza pie."


~
And The Rock Cried Out No Hiding Place

Telepaths are used as weapons. Did anyone ask? Is this voluntary? Londo plots against G'Kar and Refa. Religious leaders visit, again. A gospel choir sing. Sheridan is an insecure moronic lunatic. Delenn babytalks. Sheridan has a special war-room to oversee the Shadow War. Kosh is dead. Londo bullies Vir. Despite being cut off from Earth, Sheridan and co drink Ty Nant. Ivanova has poufy hair. Refa bullies Vir. There is talking and no inherent watchability.


Sheridan sees what no-one else does. Londo plots and shrugs off his part in the attack on the Narn homeworld. Refa dies as the gospel choir sing. Delenn unveils the White Star fleet. This narrative murk was entirely ill-advised.


Best Lines:

“Ugly rumours.”


“The last war.”


Shadow Dancing

Delenn whines and demands trust but lies. Sheridan gives orders. Piss off. Melissa Gilbert guest stars as Anna Sheridan. Franklin gets stabbed after ditching his duties to do some navel gazing. Sheridan goes through wives like other people go through underpants. There is sexism. Marcus loves Ivanova. She treats him like trash. Who's running the station when the senior staff are off following God Emperor Sheridan's wankfest? Delenn watches Sheridan sleep. WTF? Delenn knew Anna was alive all along! The bad kind of strife happens. Delenn is street meat.


~
What Loneliness

Loners, grifters, no talent schemers and people with bogus non-careers lurk. There is bitter mediocrity and callous deceptions by morally bankrupt people. This show is not a cultural fixation. Nasty pieces of trash lurk. Grim and unjust things happen. This was void of any depth. Max Irons of 'The White Queen' stars alongside William Hurt, Kristen Hager of 'Gotham' and 'Valemont', Mira Sorvino, Gage Graham-Arbuthnot, Kristoffer Polaha of 'Ringer', Brendan Fraser, Kate Vernon and Allison Hossack.


Sour faced people lurk. Vile nasty pieces of work lurk. A man looks into the abyss and regrets everything. There is no moral justice. There is a sustained level of malice. People look at a device. Somone is out there playing with weaponized plague. A hit squad kills people.


Best Lines:

“Denotates what?”


“All the good wars were already over.”


The Solution To All Problems

The opening credits debut. Joe (Max Irons) is on the run. People blather about kinetic training. Some dumb bint annoys. So much for fighting violent maniacs. Joe has been framed and disavowed by his employers. People put the hurt on others. This was universally loathed. There is an ethical lack. There are so many stupid women in this show. This was not a dynamic launch.


Best Lines:

“This is not who I am.”


“Underachieves at every stage.”


“Just more thems.”


“Smug sense of purpose.”


“Don't touch me ever.”


“I do not want to be here!”

“Then go!”

“I can't!”


“Can you stay alive till 5 o'clock?”

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'Star Trek Discovery' season 1 promo

Nobody seemed too concerned about the fate of the real Lorca.


'Star Trek Discovery' season 1 promo

Michael needs to be in jail.


'Star Trek Discovery' season 1 promo

Mmmmm.


'Star Trek Discovery' season 1 deleted scene

A man (who may be pretending to be a Trill) recruits the Emperor to Section 31. She's running a dive bar on Kronos. Quite a comedown from Terran Emperor.


Best Lines:

“A moral cost.”


"Go back to your this.”


'Star Trek Discovery' promo

Mmmmm.


'Arrow: Brothers & Sisters' promo

I'm so sick of Felicity.


'The Flash: King Shark vs Gorilla Grodd' promo

Is Cisco leaving?


'Strike Back: Silent War' promo

No.


'Ma' trailer

Teens hang out in a woman's basement and she buys them beer. It goes badly for them as she's creepy.


'Star Trek Discovery' 2x06 promo

Saru goes home.


An animated 'Star Trek' kids show?


Who saw 'The Dark Half', 'Love Field', 'Slums Of Beverly Hills', 'But I'm A Cheerleader', 'Freeway' or 'Freeway 2: Confessions Of A Trick Baby'?


'RTE News' Quotes:

“I feel like an embarssment to my family.”


“Ongoing challenge.”


'Sky News' Quotes:

“Gaming violence.”


“Negative impact on their thought process.”


'Star Trek Discovery' season 1 Deleted Scene Quotes:

“Make the Empire glorious again.”


“Ghastly universe.”


'Star Trek Discovery' Quote:

“That Lorca was an imposter from an alternate universe was not the most obvious conclusion.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Widespread public opposition.”


“Stir up opposition.”


“Realise agreements.”


“Props of support.”


“Stripped of human life.”


“Electoral credibility.”


“Vague obligations.”


“Uncosted.”


“Outmoded social behaviour.”


“Remains etenrally resentful.”


“Doing his shouty thing.”


“Strategically located.”


“Ideological invigilation.”


“Malicious publication.”


“The skill was so different from modern humans as to constitute a new species.”


“Too different from humans to be of the same species.”


“Asserting the existence of another species of human-like creatures at a time when the Biblical version of creation was widely considered an accurate description of the Earth's history.”


'Seaquest 2032' Quotes:

“We're all on the same side.”

“Not this time.”


“Nothing ever lived there again.”





Ungodly Acts (2015)

A woman dies and a murder accusation is made. Did a cult leader control his flock to such an extent that one of them murdered his unloved and unwanted wife? This was an okay true story. It was however not genuine or heartfelt.


Best Lines:

“End time preparedness.”


“Prayer furnace to heat up the Second Coming.”


“Isolating his own wife from the group.”


~

Perry Mason: The Case Of The Poisoned Pen (1990)

David Warner is murdered. There is a trial. This was rubbish with clumsily handled race issues and someone just confesses to the murder. Perry Mason is really annoying.


Best Line:

“Makes his own trouble.”


~

Blood Rage (1987) aka Slasher aka Nightmare At Shadow Woods aka Complex

This much re-cut, much re-named horror stars Louis Lasser and has synth music, 70s attire, a cameo by Ted Raimi who lurks in a men's room and terribly deeply misleading and wrong things happen. There is nudity and one has an appalled reaction to this dreck.


A boy is framed for murder by his evil twin. 10 years pass and the evil twin has a vested interest in continuing his bad behaviour. There is sensational nastiness by the evil twin. There is no furious debate when the good twin escapes from the loony bin. There is a voiceover, bitterness, anger and unconscionable things happen.


Men wear tiny shorts. There is furious debate and tensions are not ratched up. The evil twin goes choppy-choppy. Is this a parody or not? It is hard to hell. This did not transfix public imagination. This has deep failings. A dude has a vehement reaction to stuff. This was made in 1983 and sat on the shelf for years.


It's Thanksgiving, the evil twin makes cranberry sauce jokes and is hilariously gleefully psychotic. The evil twin kills someone with a meat fork. There is a final twist ending regarding the good twin. This was BAD.


Best Lines:

“Also somewhat negative.”


“Not without worry.”


“My psychotic brother just escaped.”


“Don't worry about the gun.”


“First turned into a wacko.”


“Nature walk through the woods.”


“Want to get high?”


“Insane brother is here.”


“God that's horrible.”


“Ran away from his mental institution.”


“That isn't cranberry sauce.”


~
Maximum Overdrive (1986)

Based on the Stephen King short story 'Trucks' this stars Emilio Estevez, Pat Hingle, Laura Harringston and Yeardley Smith. There are chastened gasps as machines rebel against humanity due to a comet or something. The effects wear off or something eventually. This was ridiclious and 1980s looking. Society irrevocably changes and machine cause aggravation and social collapse.


Sexism is ignored. There are evil trucks and killer drink machines. A kid baseball player runs. Stuff blows up. There is hysteria. The trucks want the humans to pump gas. What about when the gas runs out? This was terrible. Read 'Trucks' instead.

Book Reviews: Sadie + Empire Of Sand

Sadie by Courtney Summers

A true crime podcast looks into the murder of a white trash teen hellion and the disappearance of her elder sister. Add to this; white trash idiots, a loser mother and flashback chapters that follow the runaway on her quest to uncover societal deceptions and disquieting accusations. This perpetuates mediocrity. All the characters are unlikeable.


~

Empire Of Sand by Tasha Suri

This fantasy tome was all worthless vagueness. One feels undisguised distain for this tepidly received dreck.

I Miss You 🌹💖💕❤

V

2 Months & 1 Day Gone

2009 - 2018

Past Perfect

A couple run a Bed & Breakfast. Jackie talks. There are completely negative and unyielding attiudes. Henry was called The Black Death in school? Henry is a jerk. This was really awful. There is an axe, a sighting of Salem's Lot and this was aggressively earnest.


Best Line:

“Know your axes.”


Henry Deaver

We see an AU Castle Rock where the kid is from. He markets brain implants that cure dementia. The kid used to be normal and says he is the victim of a misunderstanding. As a child Henry ended up in the AU Castle Rock. Which he doens't recall. There is a very very very bad situation. The people of Castle Rock are always in the grimmest situation.


AU Molly fell down. There was emotional distress and bad conduct. Who was the woman with the knife? Can the kid go home? The plot is generally baffling. The kid was found by the warden and the Sheriff and was locked up and universally derided for no reason. This was as unmemorable as possible.


Best Lines:

“One terrible day. God answered.”


“Feline cognitive dysfunction.”


Romans

Ruth lurks. Henry and AU Henry are frightened about what the future holds. Events are unlikely to make them any more popular with their critics. The kid didn't deserve global oppribum and had no homicidal glee. There is a chasm between the image of the kid and reality. Ruth's accent seems to change. There is no unique horrific quality. Why did the guard commit dark violence?


This was horrendous, horrendous. The Reverend (in both worlds) was paranoid, incoherent, destructive and pathetically and relentlessy self-destructive. Dead birds are seen. This was all improbabilities. There are life-defining crises whose relevance is not immediately made obvious. Henry's son wanders. The Shawshank warden wanders incoherently and claims her predecessor was right.


Henry did try to kill his crazy dad. Prisoners riot and murder people but it is shrugged off. There is a time jump. WTF? How did Henry get the kid back into his cell? What happened after the riot? The kid is in a cage under Shawshank and Henry is his keeper. Is Henry the evil one? WTF? Jackie babbles.


Best Line:

“Like pure.”


~
The Chickening

Piper sees a chicken. People are sleazy. The chapel is smashed up. There's a mad chicken hunt and a bad mom. This was not good.


Best Line:

“I'm eating oysters bitches!”


~
Kappa Spirit

Tradge. The sorority bitch is haunted. The sisters are selfish. One sister has darkness inside her. No.


Best Line:

“Buggin'”

Bad Buffy The Vampire Slayer Novel

Trailers, Quotes & Stuff

'The Hustle' trailer

2 female scam artists join forces. Ha!


Best Lines:

“3 slices of cake and a diet coke.”


“Butlery person.”


'Batman' (1966) clips

This has cosmic profundity. Baddies have devious pleasure. The GCPD are a toxic blend of indifference and incompetence. Oddly Batman isn't charged with child endangerment for putting Robin in danger. The Joker trying to kill Batman and Robin in a smokestack is creepy.


'Project Blue Book' first look trailer

The Air Force looks into UFOS. What is out there? Crop circles, cave art, cameras, a skull and a symbol. This looks good.


'Young Justice' clips

Bruce bonds with Dick and years later Dick bonds with Tim. Aw.


Best Line:

“Don't die.”


'The Batman' Quote:

Batman (voiced by the dude from 'The Club' and 'Due South') and Robin fight crime. The black and yellow cape looks good. Ahhh Robin. Why isn't this repeated?


Best Line:

“Kick his head off!”


'Tolkein' promo

No.


'Derry Girls' series 2 promo

Ha.


'Counterpart' cancelled.


Burt Ward could have been drafted during the 'Batman' run!


'American Housewife' Quotes:

“Hillbilly factor.”


“Don't worry about social norms.”


'The Irish Times' Quotes:

“Affront to domestic order.”


“Behaviour not expected or demanded.”


“Credibility will be entirely and irrevocably compromised.”


“Life-changing labels.”


“Affirmative defence,”


“Self-exile.”


“Target of a public media hate campaign.”


“Rests for all eternity.”


“If you're harming that carefully tailored image, you will face the consequences.”


'The Batman' Quote:

“Kids my age get beat up for nicknames like that.”


'Channel 4 News' Quote:

“Hopelessly unchangeable situation.”


~

On 'Hollyoaks': Mercedes is a trollop who gets her cousin shot and then makes out with him. Liam the rubbish gangster is rubbish. Sinead's husband Laurie targets Sienna. He thinks she is a meek victim he can toy with. Oh Laurie, you fool.


Best Lines:

“To protect himself!”

“From what?”

An Obol For Charon

Number One (as seen in 'TOS') shows up. Pike orders the holographic system ripped out of the Enterprise. Tilly's Thrush gurgles. Tilly's scenes are sheer drudgery. Saru twitches. Where did MULorca's tribble go? Michael is an idiot, she and her ceaseless torment has no dramatic impact. Why is her plotline tragically dominant? Discovery is in peril from a big red thing.


How can they tell how old the thing is? The universal translator acts up. There is a mention of Tau Cetian. There is more unknown risk. Reno is now part of the Discovery crew. Reno mocks the spore drive. There's bad ADR and no redeeming features. This was not resonant. This was not laden with tension. The Thrush monster attacks. Tilly has no meaningful presence.


There is no impending doom. Saru is defensive and dying. There is no dark atmosphere. The annoying git is a brash loutish git. This was not sorrowful or profound. This ep was ill-advised. Saru was granted refugee status by the UFP. Michael does everything. This was disastrous. I don't care about Saru's tragic existence. There is a precipitous encounter. There was interpretive speculation and irrationality. Tilly sings David Bowie.


Tilly gets a drill to the head. There is irresponsibility. What was the red thing? What happened to Tilly? Saru does a dying swan act in his quarters. Weird stuff happens. The network took Tilly. Keep her! Keep her! Rebecca Romijn played Number One.


Best Lines:

“Let us know what you think. We care.”


“I'm uninsultable.”


“I was planning drums for Prince.”


~
Unworthy

Bad things happen to Bennett. The demon conspiracy and church conspiracy will never be explained. No one notices the chalice under Bennett's hospital bed? Marcus is inordinately boring. There is a grevious situation. I'm so sick of Andy and his pathetic attempts to be bad. He's an abysmal form of humanity. There is shouting. Season 2 has not been as good as season 1. Season 3 is set up but there was no season 3.


This ep does not fuel fear. The demon is coercive. Andy's ridiclious. There is melacholic resignation. Marcus is all macho self-promotion. He's rigid in his conviction. The demon is fundamentally unbeatable. There is inevitable drama. Tomas acts as bait. Marcus is unreceptive to concerns. Tomas nearly gets posessed. Marcus does something that becomes a crack between him and Tomas. Something their relationship would never get the chance to recover from.


Is the bird okay? How did the priests get off the island? Bennett comes out of his coma and goes after a nurse with a MASSIVE pair of shears that he got from somewhere. Rose takes in the foster kids. The bird is somehow in her house with the foster kids. Marcus gets a message from god about Tomas. The show deserved a better send off.


Best Lines:

“I'll take your soul.”


“We're losing.”


~
War Without End, part 2

Sheridan sees the future and is fawned over by future Delenn. She babbles about their son David who was never seen on screen. In the future Londo is Emperor and paying the price for his vaulting ambition. Vir becomes Emperor in the bad future. The whole Minbari souls in human bodies thing continues to be ignored.


Sinclair goes back in time and becomes a Minbari. He is Valen, their holiest leader. This was all padding. The Minbari are racist jerks and Sinclair can't fix that. Where did the Vorlons come from in the past? This was not good.


Best Line:

“A Minbari not born of Minbari.”


~
Double Cross

The gang end up on a resource poor world. Quinn meets his evil female double. But thanks to executive meddling, we'd never see her again. There is a stalker, 90s clothes, Wade does nothing, there is outdated tech and Quinn's double Logan St Clair plans to strip mine other worlds before getting lost in time. This was not good.


Best Line:

“Geomash.”

47 Metres Down (2016)

Mandy Moore and Matthew Modine star. Sharks are an ever present threat. This was not absolutely terrifying.Two sisters decide to go cave diving with sharks. The sharks have a certain malevolence. Modine runs a glowering fly by night operation. One sister can't even dive. Sea life is violent and menacing. The cage winch breaks and the cage sinks.


I'm not sure of the characters names. There is a quest for a flashlight. A whiny one gets lost. There is exposition. Nothing goes right and one watches this with bored eyes. Logic is not a deep concern. The devastating repercussions of going with a cheapo dive company are obvious. There is a twist.


Best Lines:

“My fault he got bored.”


“Do you see all the fish?”


“I don't feel safe in this cage.”


“Sharks attack from low.”


“Do not go straight up. You will die.”


~
The Descent part 2 (2009)

This sequel is impossible. It exists only because the US print of the first film edited out the final scene that showed there was no escape from the cave. Now one woman has amnesia after escaping the cave. The sole survivor ends up back down the pit for no good reason. Idiot people look for the missing women. There is bad acting and the cave is overlit.


Juno is still alive? Oh come on! The 'grim surroudings' look likes a set and the 'implacable opponents' look like stuntpeople in rubber suits. What was this for? Juno dies and the ending is stupid.


~
Redwood (2017)
A stupid couple go hiking in the woods. They are stalked by vampires. Nicholas Brendon is in this. This was boring.


~
Stand By Me (1986)

Castle Rock is in Oregon? Wil Wheaton, River Phoenix, Corey Feldman, Jerry O'Connell, Kiefer Sutherland and Richard Dreyfuss star in this Stephen King adptation which is full of bad acting and swearing. This was dull.


Best Lines:

“Came from a bad family.”


“The most feared and least seen dog in Castle Rock.”


~
Horns (2013)

Daniel Radcliffe stars in this Joe Hill novel adaptation. He plays a town pariah who has been wrongly accused of murdering his girlfriend. This was terrible and soporific.


~
Far From The Madding Crowd (1967)

The poor wee sheep!

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